It's hard for me to define if I'm making any progress or not. Meetings fall through, decisions aren't being made and I just feel tired all the time. I can't figure out a linear path for this project. It's
like every thought represents a line in my head and not single one is going in the same direction as another. Everything is infinitely more confusing than a month ago. I want to make this awesome for her. I want her to be proud. I want her to always be remembered and held in high regard.
I've decided to narrow down my approach to the service project. I'm
going to go to five places and spend three months at each location. I feel like
I'll be able to make more of an impact and better connections if I'm there for a substantial period of time. I've narrowed the countries/ areas down to Australia, India, Central/South America, Tanzania/ Kenya/ Rwanda area and Poland. I need to get in touch with actual schools, orphanages or farms, any project in these countries that needs assistance. Im looking to start putting the dates together and I need your help with finding people
that I can help. If you have connections in these countries, put me in touch with an actual person. I'd like to flesh these out so I can figure out a trip budget and more precise timeline for the trip.
Lastly, I'm worried that people aren't talking because they're afraid to. They don't know the "right" thing to say so they don't say anything. I need your help and communication. There is no right thing to say or feel, at all. None of this is right and it will never be right or just or OK that Meghan is gone. There will never be a right way to go about grieving for someone, no correct timeline, no correct magic word to make pain go away.
The five or ten or eighty steps to happiness or completion or whatever are complete garbage. You do things that make you feel better. You enjoy the good times when they happen and remember what it is about Meghan that makes you happy or feel stronger or better. Please, talk. Communicate. It doesn't matter
what you say as long as you are honest.