Friday, June 25, 2010
It really is comforting, satisfying, empowering etc to be able to talk about Meghan and what she means to this world. To share why I am determined to do all the things she wanted to do. I feel a lot of strength and healing through helping. I spent hours today talking to people, about how and why I no longer have a wife, about why I'm going to India in two months, about other's struggles with disease and about the advice I could offer when faced with something serious like breast cancer. This time it was others crying and saying how unfair it is, how it doesn't make sense anymore. These are all things I think about regularly and it helps to hear and see this response. It feels like other people on some level understand, or are genuine in their effort to try to understand these processes I'm going through. It's not pity anymore, its empathy.
I want all of you to know that I, from the bottom of something deeper than my heart, appreciate every last bit you have done for us. This gives me strength and hopefully everyone else who is attached to Meghan. I want you to know that I will fight every bit as hard for these goals as Meghan did for them, because she deserves them. I want you to know that I am completely committed to putting in the very, very hard work for the seemingly unattainable goals (not unattainable for her, but really, I know a PHD seems a bit out of my league) . I know you won't let me fail. I know you won't let me back down from things that seem beyond my abilities. I know you will push me when I need it and when I don't. I know that by simply refusing to give up or give in I can come out on top. I have the best there is for a teacher. Meghan would absolutely be proud to know all of the people she has touched and those she has spurred on to greater things than they thought possible. She really is a hero.
To avoid confusion want to outline how all of this will work. I don't want anyone to think I'm feeding off their donations and hanging out on someone else's dime.
Every single penny donated is going into the cause for each individual campaign. That means that everything above the budget for each place donated is going straight into the organization I am working for. Also included in this is money left over once the 3 month stint is finished. The budget goals for India is $3000. If $4000 is donated, Merasi School is getting at least $1000. If I use less than $3000 during the 3 months, whatever is left over is also going to Merasi School. Your money funds my effort, not me. I am coming home after all of this with $0 in my pocket. I am not interested in profiting, I am interested in helping. If any of you don't want to donate money, but would rather donate similar effort, please come and help. India will probably get lonely.
After the five - three month segments I'm going to come back to Canada (hopefully) and enroll in a masters program, that is unless I can find a Phd program. I am hoping to take online classes while I'm gone to fufill neccesary prereq requirements. All of the documented volunteer work is going to show my intent and drive to succeed in obtaining the secondary degree.
I am halfway through the program to go from not running at all to running a 5k. Not a half marathon, I know, but baby steps. I've lost ten pounds and am definitely able to run/ walk 3 miles at this point.
The first book I read was Born To Run, obviously fitting, to get me motivated to run more and better. Its great, I highly recommend it. Book two, I'm a hundred pages in and will finish before the 4th of July festivities. I can definitely finish 10 more books before decmeber.
The first instrument I'm trying to master is guitar. I have a pretty good basic understanding of it but again, slow progress. Nothing good and amazing comes without practice. The Merasi School is ALL about music, so I'm going to apply myself there to learning as much as I can from the folk musicians that are already teaching the kids. I'm basically a 10 year old anyway.
Also, while there, I'm going to pick up as much Hindi and local dialect as possible. I'm pretty good with languages, I know I won't even come close to fluency, but learning languages helps learn other languages. (I'm half decent with Korean and Spanish already). This goal ties into the Phd. I'm going to go for linguistics. Language has always been something I've taken to and been interested in. I've tried to learn on my own, as for languages to be fluent in, I haven't decided yet.
The 3 months at five places will satisfy the living abroad in five countries, the goal of volunteering for over 100 hours and volunteering in an Indian orphanage. Its important to note that I'm not trying to check these things off like it's a checklist or a game. I need to do these things to learn. I don't understand that Meghan isn't here, I don't understand why. I need to do these things to understand more of her, to know what she was after by setting these goals. I want to understand what she was hoping to achieve by completing these. I need to see things she would've seen them. I want the experiences she wanted, so I might grasp hold of every little bit of her out there. I am very much in search of something that I don't fully understand or know
Posted by Adam Warner at 9:08 AM