Friday, November 14, 2008

Decisions- The act of reaching a conclusion or making up one's mind

After anxiously waiting the full 10 days for my biopsy results to come back, I called the hospital to find out what the deal is.
In an effort to recreate the suspense that I had to endure... I'm going to wait to tell you what they said until closer to the end of this post.

Tonight I am heading up to Kitchener to visit Melanie and Andrew. I'm pretty psyched, although apparently I will be put to work making Pierogi (singular pierĂ³g) as soon as I arrive.

Tomorrow, we will probably head up to Toronto mid to late afternoon and walk around for a bit. Then we will probably grab some (vegan) dinner and coffee and head to the show. It will be a welcome change from being in Petrolia for the last three weeks. Not that I don't love hanging with my parents all the time, but the town is... well, not exactly my idea of a good time. We have some unresolved issues, Petrolia and I. I'm sure with time, we will work it out.
I will have a cell phone, so if you want to see me send me a message on facebook and I will give you the number ;)

OK... on to what you have all been wanting to know.
I will give you the good news first.

Good news- The results from the biopsy of the lymph nodes in my armpit (there is really no way to make that sound nice) came back promising. So far, there has been no cancer detected in the lymph node, so it likely hasn't spread beyond the breast.
We are still going to remove the sentinel node during the surgery, just to be sure though.

The not so good news- The results for the second lump came back as non-cancerous. Now, I'm sure you are saying "Well Meghan, how can that possibly be not so good??" Well, my dear friends, because although it is not cancerous, it apparently has precancerous changes. Basically this means that in the next year or so, it could turn into cancer. That is the not so good part.

I am left with a life altering decision to make-
Choice 1- Remove the original mass and pray to God that the new mass doesn't turn cancerous. Be left with uneven breast that reconstructive surgery may or may not be able to correct. Also be constantly concerned with the cancer coming back and claiming the whole breast, and possibly my life.

Choice 2- Have two lumpectomies (one on each mass) and be left (ALIVE!) with a completely mangled breast. After chemo and radiation, try to have reconstructive surgery at my own expense. However, be faced with the constant worry that the cancer may come back again.

Choice 3- Go through with a full on mastectomy for the right breast, and then have reconstructive surgery as part of the package a year down the road. Of course, logically this seems like the best choice as far as survival and reducing the risk of re-occurrence. However, the reconstructive surgery wouldn't take place for at least a year. I would have to complete my radiation before I can have it rebuilt (as radiation has been know to damage the reconstruction).
Saying that living for a full year with only one breast would be difficult is a bold understatement. I know this all seems trivial, when my life is at stake here. However, just try to put yourself in my position for a second. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and try to envision yourself waking up from surgery (at age 27) with one half of you looking like a prepubescent girl, sans nipple. Guys... I don't really know what a good substitute for a breast would be... but I'm sure you can sort that out on your own.

Ultimately, I believe that my mind is already made up about what kind of surgery to have. My surgeon will be calling me on Tuesday morning to discuss the matter further.
I just have to try to keep it together.

I still don't know the stage/grade of the cancer. I don't think I will know this until after the surgery next Friday.

(In case you were wondering, I have also decided that I will try to incorporate at least one polish word into my blog, So my little polish friend in Korea doesn't feel left out.)


Anonymous said...

Although this is a terribly hard decision there is a lot of good news here. Yes a year without a breat sucks (if indeed that is the option you may choose to take) but you have a great support around you and would be the foxiest one breasted chick I would know! You have a great attitude and will get through this like the classy and beautiful lady that you are :) Catch up soon please my Team Canada counterpart!

The British chick that has no standards and a terrible penchant for Cheetos xxxx

lucky said...

i understand (to an extent) how you feel. i'm having a surgery this december, and one of the hardest things to deal with psychologically for me is the scarring. health issues are so strange in that way, how one thing (or aspect of your health issue) can stand out to you or be scary to you on one day, then the next you kinda deal with it, only for the next day to feel back at square one with it all. bottom line though, is you want to be be as healthy as you possibly can and alleviate as much risk for any future issues. all of us who care about you support you in any decision you make.

Anonymous said...

when you spelled pierogi correctly, my heart sang. i'll support whatever you decide, but i'd like my meg for as long as possible, just sayin. pretty darn happy about the cancer not having spread. a happy, healthy, running meg is what we want in our lives.
kocham cie

Anonymous said...

I'm sure you'll come to the right decision miss Mae. And if you go with option 3 and wait for a year until the reconstructive surgery, you'll still be a hotter broad than virtually every other, ever. So there.

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