Friday, May 8, 2009

Waiting for a light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm feeling a little bit frustrated at the moment. As you already know, I finally finished my chemotherapy treatments on Tuesday. It's been a long, incredibly trying battle. To be honest, there may have been a night or two (curled up on the chair bawling my eyes out because I had to go back to the ER), that I may have had doubts that I was gonna make it. I've been in and out of the dang emergency room with so many fevers and assorted ailments, that they know me by name. I've been poked with so many needles, I literally looked like a black/blue/yellow pincushion.

Relieved doesn't even begin to explain how I felt when I finished my last treatment. Hoping, although making sure not to say it out loud, that the worst of the crappiness was in the past.
One would figure that, after having your breast taken and being pumped so full of toxic chemicals that you literally can't function, it could only get better from here right?

Haha... I actually believed that. Man, how silly could I be?

Since January, I've been looking forward to finishing my treatments, so I could go back to D.C. to visit Adam, and his friends/family. It's been my bright light at the end of the tunnel, if you will.

Well, I'm finally going! At least I thought I was finally going.
I have my flight booked for June 2-13th, the one little problem being that no one will cover me for travel insurance.

Correction... they will cover me, but for nothing related to my cancer (the joy of pre-existing conditions).
So... if I happen to get a fever in D.C. and they deem it to be because of my cancer (regardless of whether it is or not), I have to foot the bill.
I think it is fair to say that insurance companies will do ANYTHING to avoid paying any sort of claim. I know that if I do go, and do happen to get sick, they will attempt to screw me in any way, shape or form possible.
Every insurance company that I've talked to has told me that my condition would have to be stable for at least 3 months (up to 6 months) before they will even begin to consider covering me.

Maybe I was a bit naive, but I had assumed that if I paid enough, SOMEONE would cover (which I was prepared to do). Apparently, I'm finding this isn't the case. So, here I am, left with the choice to either suck it up and pray to God that I don't get sick while in D.C. or cancel the only trip that has given me any glimmer of hope and happiness in the last 5 months.

I just don't understand. For all intents and purposes, Adam and I are good people. I just don't understand why there is always something standing in the way of us being together (i.e. Korean immigration issues, my cancer, Canadian immigration issues, distance, insurance issues, money issues) . I just feel so dang disheartened and beaten.
It's hard to try to keep a smile on your face and keep fighting when it feels like you can barely keep your head above water.

My second last hospitalization

He got nap time... I didn't


Anonymous said...

Why is it Adam seems to be sleeping in 40% of yur pics? ha ha. Sorry to hear about the insurance issue love, that well and truly sucks :( xxxx

Hayley xxx

Anonymous said...

Wish I could do something help you Meg. love you

Anonymous said...

i'd do pretty much anything for you right now. because things are so difficult, because you're being tested so hard, the future can only be easier. big problems for others will be peanuts for you.

kocham cie

Laura said...

aw meg,
insurance people suck, i know how that goes. :/
chin up, lady!


Anonymous said...

I'm thinking about you, Meg

much love,

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